What Letting Go of a Dream House Revealed
Since sharing about our upcoming move, I've received a lot of questions and comments.
“But you've worked so hard to create your dream home. How can you give it up?”
“I imagine that was a hard decision. Your house is so special. I know how much you love it.”
I appreciate these sincere reflections. And I thought I'd share what actually happened.
Vince and I have been in this conversation about moving for a few years. When he brought it up this year, something was different on his end. A clarity. A readiness.
Something I wasn't quite ready for.
My initial reaction was ripe with suffering.
I wept. I went through what felt like all the stages of grief in a day and a half—denial, anger, negotiating every possible way we could stay. It was painful. It felt like the end of the world. So many boxes of tissues were used in the process.
And underneath all of that denial, anger, and negotiating was fear.
Fear that I had failed. Fear of what others would think. Fear that we'd never have a home like this again. Fear that our friends and community would forget about us. Fear that I'd be alone—and never feel as successful as I did inside these walls.
It felt as if the house were a part of my body and Vince was saying: it's time to cut off your leg. But, that leg was how I knew myself to be okay. The house had become a reliable—albeit misplaced—source of worthiness, value, and possibility.
As I stayed with my experience, and rode through the waves of grief, I ultimately connected with those fears. I saw them. I felt them. I followed them all the way home.
And what came through next may not sound profound to you—but it was to me. Insights are often like that. They sound kind of ordinary to the people who didn't receive them.
As I sat with these attachments, I felt a rush of warm, open energy—and a voice that said: This isn't your home. It's time to know your true home.
After that, there was only spaciousness. Presence. Peace.
This felt True.
If my deepest desire is to know truth and live more free—that means letting go of misplaced attachments. Because attachments become ways we innocently resist life. The ways we stop the flow and hold onto a false sense of safety, security, and lovability.
The ego needs attachments. And thankfully, we unconsciously create them so our systems can feel more regulated. That's beautiful. It's part of being human.
Our souls don't need those same attachments. We take nothing with us of physical form when we depart this earth. We simply return to our purest being state—the I am.
But we don't have to wait until our deathbed to start living from the freedom of this understanding. The freedom to follow the heart's knowing. To trust life. To feel the belonging that is our true nature.
I would let go of this house again and again to feel that space. To deepen in the felt sense of oneness.
This new seeing surfaced within a couple of days after Vince first broached the subject. From that point on, there was a lightness. Possibility. Wonder. A welcoming of a new adventure.
This didn't happen because we decided to keep the house. The shift occurred because the attachments were seen through—and released.
And that's the point of this story.
Our suffering isn't because of the circumstance. It's because of the stories and narratives we've innocently identified with. Think about it—there's likely another couple somewhere in a similar situation where one partner says it's time to move and the other celebrates immediately. Same circumstance. Entirely different experience. Because the conditioning is different.
And conditioning is what we want to see—if we're on the path of greater freedom. Otherwise, it continues to limit us and drive us from the shadows.
Life is always moving, always creating. It's never static. Children spend hours building intricate sand castles—only to watch the tide take them that night. And somehow they wake up the next morning ready to build again.
We're afraid to live like that. To let go, let life flow and create anew through us again and again. Because we become attached. We so desperately want to arrive somewhere that feels safe and good that we cling to it for dear life.
But that's not life. Life comes with all of it. And as we become more flexible in receiving what's here—we discover our inherent safety. Not in the house, the title, the relationship, or the achievement. In the unknown itself. Which is the only place pure potential lives.
The unknown is ripe with possibility. It's alive. It's fresh. And yes—there's a chance we'll feel disappointed or hurt along the way. But when you know you can meet that—there is nothing to fear.
We'll be exploring this territory more deeply in the first of our Guest Faculty Conversations—a free live series I'm hosting this fall as part of the launch of The School for Humaning Well®.
The first conversation is with Dr. Amy Johnson and Dan Kelso on Tuesday, October 13th from 1:00–2:15pm PT.
Amy and Dan will explore the difference between thinking and direct experience—and what becomes available when you turn toward what's actually here instead of the mind's account of it. Including, and especially, in relationship.
This conversation is free and open to all. A recording will be sent to everyone who registers within 48 hours.
With loving,
Amber
P.S. If this letter is stirring something in you about The School for Humaning Well®—enrollment is open now, and early enrollment closes October 31st.
→ You can learn more here.
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