When Trying Harder Makes Things Worse
Photo by Getty Images via Unsplash.
Instead of a written newsletter, I'm sharing a video with you—a 13-minute clip from a recent Office Hours call in The School for Humaning Well.
A bit of context:
Office Hours is our weekly space to slow down, drop in, share what's arising, and receive coaching. It's unscripted, unpolished, and real.
This particular morning, I opened by sharing what was present for me—a story about getting caught in a complete tizzy about my endocrinologist, and what I discovered when I finally stopped trying to force a solution and just... allowed.
What unfolded is a teaching I've been living into more and more:
The difference between the masculine approach (force, control, make it happen) and the feminine approach (allow, receive, trust) to awakening.
And why trying harder to feel peaceful often makes it worse.
Here are 5 takeaways from the video:
The world moves fast—and slowing down is a radical act. Simply showing up to a space like this forces recalibration. It invites you back to the part of you that's always okay.
We can't make ourselves access peace. You can't force yourself to drop into that stable, grounded place. The more you try to make it happen, the more resistance builds—and the less available peace becomes.
What's underneath the fight? When I stopped trying to control my doctor situation and dropped into my heart and body, I discovered I wasn't angry—I was scared. My mind was trying to protect me from a painful experience happening again.
Expanding capacity means we don't have to control anything. When we're willing to meet the experiences we've been afraid of—shame, fear, grief, exhaustion—there's nothing left to fix. Nothing to force. We can just... be and let Life reveal what's next.
This is feminine energy: allowing, receiving, trusting. Not feminine as in "for women"—feminine as in surrender. As in: letting everything be exactly as it is. As in: softening and receiving instead of forcing.
Watch the 13-minute video below:
I hope this resonates for you.
The next time you find yourself in urgency—wanting to speed up, to figure it out, to make something happen—remember: Slowing down is the answer.
Not because it's productive—though it likely will be. Not because it solves the problem—though it often does by a perspective shift and insight. The perceived problem can dissolve with ease when we reconnect with the part of us that is and has always been ok.
If you took something away from the video, I'd love to hear from you. Just hit reply.
With lots of love,
Amber
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