When Creation Is Urgency In Disguise
Photo by Courtney Lindberg Photography.
My husband and I have been renovating our large property for a few years. A long, slow process with no real end date in sight. Recently, we decided that refinancing a rental property we own could help us finish the last steps with more ease.
We both work for ourselves—and last year, we each experienced a dip in income. Nothing dramatic, just part of the natural ebb and flow of running your own business. (And if you've been doing this long enough, you know: the flow isn't always up.)
I felt at peace with that… until our mortgage broker casually mentioned the income drop. My husband took it personally. I didn't think I did…
Until the next few days revealed otherwise.
I suddenly felt a strong push to create something. For three days straight, my system was lit up with what I've often called “creation energy.” Ideas poured in. New groups. Summer offers. Public programs. But none of them landed. They all felt... off.
Only when I slowed down and turned inward did I see what was really happening.
That offhand comment from the broker had hooked an old story:
“If we don't get the refi, it's my fault. I've let us down. I failed.”
That belief—so deeply embedded in my system I didn't even know it was running—started driving the show. Rather than feel the pain of believing I had failed, my mind got busy trying to fix it. Make money. Prove your worth. Do something now.
But that drive wasn't clean. It wasn't coming from overflow or inspiration. It was coming from anxiety. From fear. From a misunderstanding.
This is how sneaky the separate self can be. And this is exactly what I was pointing to in my last blog post: It's Not the Tool That Creates Results. It's YOU.
When you're operating from misalignment—even unconsciously—your creations and actions will reflect that. They'll carry the energy of lack, of proving, of needing something to work in order to feel okay.
But when you're connected to your wholeness—when your system is settled and your actions emerge from that deeper truth—what you create is rooted in integrity, not insecurity.
In that moment of slowing down, not only did I meet and move the energy of that old belief, I also saw something I hadn't seen before:
I thought urgency was part of my creative process.
I thought tension meant aliveness.
But it turns out, that wasn't true.
That was conditioning. Not creation.
True alignment feels different.
It doesn't rush. It doesn't grasp.
It's like the eye of the hurricane—calm and centered.
And that doesn't mean aligned ideas always feel easy or peaceful.
Sometimes they come with fear—“Can I really do this?”
That's natural. It's your separate self sensing it can't do it alone.
And it's right. It can't.
But your deeper self knows: you're not doing it alone.
Your alignment invites in something greater—support, clarity, timing, grace.
That's the mystery.
And that's good news.
This is the work.
This is the path.
Not manufacturing alignment… but actually living from it.
With loving,
Amber
P.S. About two weeks later, we found out the refi was approved. And while that was wonderful news, the real shift had already happened.
I no longer needed the outcome to affirm anything about me.
Through meeting myself and feeling what was there, I returned to the place inside that knew: I'm okay. We're okay.
That's the liberation this work offers.
When we connect with our inner okayness, we're free—not because life went our way, but because we no longer need it to.
