Running On Love Instead Of Fear
Photo via Unsplash.
Most people want to run on love.
They're drawn to the idea because, deep down, they know it's their true nature. They've glimpsed how love is a life force—sustainable, kind, and clarifying. After all, love is what we're made of.
But agreeing with that concept and living it are two very different things.
Fear is often so close we can't even see it.
It hides in plain sight—dressed as urgency, productivity, procrastination, over-giving, over-doing. And when love gets hijacked by the ego, it becomes something else entirely—conditional, strategic, guilt-ridden.
This isn't our fault. The separate self—the one we unconsciously construct as part of our human experience—distorts love and fuels fear as a defense mechanism.
There's a reason fear works so well “out there”: it works so well in here.
As the saying goes: If you want to control people, keep them afraid.
Fear keeps us small and tight.
It keeps us obedient to old conditioning.
Fear has many faces. It shows up as anxiety, anger, perfectionism, blame, despair, urgency. At the root of each one is a version of the same misunderstanding: I'm not enough. I'm not safe. I'm unlovable.
And so, we run.
Away from discomfort. Away from the present.
Into our coping strategies—worry, hustle, people-pleasing, doom-scrolling, creating for validation instead of from inspiration.
I know this pattern intimately.
Just last week in my coaches' community, I shared an article about this very thing. (You can read the full piece here.)
The short version?
My husband and I were navigating a refinance of a rental property to help complete our years-long home renovation. We both work for ourselves, and had a dip in income last year—something I felt ok about, even when our broker casually mentioned the decline.
My husband took it personally. I didn't think I did…
Until I found myself flooded with ideas for new offerings.
For three days, I was caught up in an adrenaline rush—what I used to call “creation energy”. But none of the ideas felt right.
When I slowed down, I saw the truth:
I wasn't creating from love—I was reacting to fear.
A hidden belief had been triggered:
“If we don't get the refi, it's my fault. I failed.”
That fear was quietly steering the ship.
My mind didn't want me to feel the unpleasant sensations of failure, so it got to work—using anxiety and urgency to fuel productivity. A to-do list and money-making strategy felt safer to my ego than actually feeling what was true in the moment.
This is what I mean when I say fear is often so close that we can't see it. We live it and breathe it each day as if it were air.
To truly run on love, more is required than gratitude lists and morning affirmations. Those can be beautiful, supportive practices—but they won't help you soften into the vulnerable misunderstandings that fear protects.
Running on love requires building the capacity to meet your fear as it arises—to feel the unpleasant sensations your mind desperately wants to avoid. It means attuning to your body, where truth lives.
This is where a noticing practice comes in.
Take a few minutes, a few times a day, to slow down and notice what's actually happening—inside your body and around you.
Noticing is how you begin to distinguish between your imagination (where fear thrives) and reality (where truth lives).
The leaves blowing in the tree. That's real and happening now.
The pressure of your back as you lean against a chair.
The tightness in your jaw. The tension in your belly.
The rug under the coffee table. The smell of the roast in the oven.
The sound of your child laughing.
These are happening in the present.
In my story above, my body was buzzy, tingly, restless. My breathing was shallow, and my heartbeat fast. I couldn't sleep. That's how I knew: fear was running my system.
Because I've practiced noticing, I've trained myself (to the best of my ability) not to trust my thinking when those sensations are present. They let me know I'm dysregulated…when I'm being gripped by fear, that I can't yet see.
This is the power of attuning to your felt experience.
When you do this, you begin to distinguish between experience and what's happening in your mind. This distinction gives you agency. It supports you in responding instead of reacting.
When you find yourself dysregulated (out of balance, upset, or anxious), don't believe your thinking.
Instead, trust your felt experience. Be curious:
What's present right now?
What sensations are here?
What's happening in the world around me?
If you're too caught up, don't try to force yourself to drop in.
Care for yourself in simple ways.
Take a walk. Call a friend. Listen to a song. Your system knows how to find its way home.
And home… is your regulated state.
You will naturally come back to a place of well-being.
That is how our system is designed—how loving is that?!
From this place you will likely see more clearly—as I did when I saw the fear of failure was running the show. That realization helped me drop the manufactured program offerings my mind was pushing and settle into the truth: I am ok right now.
Spoiler alert: This is what is always waiting for you on the other side.
But you can't access that place in the mind.
It can only be felt in experience.
But don't take my word for it.
Check it out for yourself!
With loving,
Amber
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