The Heartache Is Real…So Is The Way Home
Photo by Kasimi Faical Mohamed via Unsplash.
Lately, I've been reflecting on the ache so many of us are carrying. The grief, anger, confusion, and fear that pulse beneath the surface of our fast-moving, progress-driven lives.
It's hard not to feel it. The weight of division. The prioritization of power, profit, and status above human and planetary well-being. The way blame gets passed around like a hot potato—because facing pain directly feels unbearable to the part of us that's been conditioned to avoid it at all costs.
This pain isn't new. It's been accumulating for generations, fed by systems that thrive on separation: capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy. We've come to praise intellect over intuition, individualism over interconnection, certainty over mystery.
And in that pursuit, we've become profoundly disconnected.
From our bodies.
From nature.
From each other.
From ourselves.
How did we get here?
The Separate Self and the Search for Safety
At the root of this pain is something few are aware of: our identification with what I call the separate self.
The separate self is the version of you that formed once you learned your name. Once you were taught what was good and bad, right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable. It's the identity shaped by family dynamics, school systems, social norms, cultural expectations, and survival mechanisms.
This self is always trying to be okay—because it rarely, if ever, feels that way. This is because it's not designed to. It's made up. Built on illusion.
It looks outside for safety, for validation, for a sense of worth.
It says:
“I'm all by myself in this wild world. I've got to take care of me at all costs.”
So it believes:
“If I make enough money, I'll be secure.”
“If I succeed, I'll matter.”
“If I'm liked, I'll be loved.”
“And when I have these, I'll never feel pain again.”
It's constantly measuring, comparing, improving, striving.
And it's deeply afraid—especially of what it can't control.
Fear, grief, shame, discomfort, and uncertainty feel threatening to the separate self, so it avoids them. And when pain is avoided, it often gets projected as blame.
That's what we're seeing in our world.
Avoidance of pain turning into division.
A priority on success turning into a never-ending pursuit of more.
A disconnection from presence, from truth, from what's here now—because the separate self believes we can't handle it.
But we can.
Just not from the part of us that's been trying to do it all alone.
The Unconditioned Self: Who You Were Before You Had a Name
There is another part of you. A deeper truth.
The you before you had a name.
Before you learned who you needed to be.
Before you started running.
This is your unconditioned self.
Pure consciousness. Love. Connected to everything.
It's not something you need to build. It's who you already are—beneath the noise of the separate self.
This self is whole.
It's always okay—because it's based on what's real.
It is presence itself.
It's the awareness that can feel the waves of sadness, shame, or grief without getting lost in them. It doesn't resist the moment—it meets it. Fully. Gently. Wisely.
Intellect is the voice of the separate self.
Intuition is the voice of the real you.
We've become a society deeply identified with the separate self.
Obsessed with intellect—with knowing, fixing, figuring out.
With certainty. With dominance. With being “right.”
And we've starved our connection to intuition, to inner knowing, to the mystery of life itself.
Our culture is one of individualism… of control.
We've collectively forgotten how to be in relationship—with one another, with the Earth, with the deeper Intelligence that animates all life.
This is how we've arrived at a world where:
— Everyone who doesn't believe what you believe is an enemy
— Human rights, human needs, and planetary needs are somehow less important than economic success
— Division and polarization run free
And this will continue…until a collective shift in consciousness occurs.
A shift toward presence.
Toward living from what's real.
This Is the Evolution We're Being Called Into
One where intuition is acknowledged and celebrated.
Where the mystery of life is felt—in our bones, in our cells, in our hearts.
Where vulnerability and tenderness are seen as a strength.
Where we use our individuality to care for one another—not to separate from one another.
Where we remember that we are not above nature—we are nature.
Humans. Animals. Plants. Air. Water. Earth.
All made of the same stuff.
Now more than ever, it's time to remember.
Intellect vs. Intuition: Who's Leading?
The intellect won't get us there—because it can't.
It can't drop into experience. It can only imagine experience.
Reading about a sunset isn't the same as witnessing one.
Taking in that radiant, golden circle dissolve into the horizon—that is a felt moment.
Brought through awareness and presence.
Intuition is the same.
It is felt experience.
For real change to occur, this is the direction we must go.
This isn't about throwing away the mind—it's about giving it a new role.
The mind can serve, but it can't lead.
Only the heart can do that.
We Is the Answer
This isn't one person's job.
It's not about waiting for a leader to rise and save us.
This is our time to change our world.
You and me.
In the roles and lives we have now.
In our homes. Our families. Our neighborhoods.
Choosing to unplug from distraction and pause long enough to see.
To see how we've innocently played into systems of harm through our conditioning.
To see how we've participated in blame, othering, and warfare (even in our minds).
To see how we've outsourced our power and ignored our wisdom.
To see how we've prioritized and prized thought over our felt experience.
Realization—realizing the limiting patterns that have lived us, not the other way around—is the key to making different choices.
To building a more connected, kind world.
That's where healing restores us to wholeness, and change begins.
So I'll ask you—not from the intellect, but from the heart:
Are you willing to accept the call?
To slow down and meet your blame, sadness, and fear.
To question your thinking, even when it feels like truth—especially when it feels like truth.
To listen deeply to the wisdom of your heart.
To return to the truth that never left you.
Because societies haven't always been built on domination and control.
There have been times when the sacred was central.
When intuition mattered as much as intellect.
When the Intelligence of Life was honored—not just believed in, but lived from.
We're being invited to live from that place again.
To let the mystery lead.
To let the heart guide.
To let the real you rise.
The future is depending on us.
With loving,
Amber
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