“Fillling This School Might Kill Me”
Photo by Getty Images via Unsplash
"I think filling this school might kill me."
These words flowed out of my mouth in a recent audio to my coach.
It's easy to think I was being dramatic, but in the moment, that's genuinely how it felt—like a part of me was dying.
The truth is: a part of me is dying in this process.
More on that below.
I've known myself to be a "good enroller" and a "successful business owner" for over a decade. I've counted on myself—and my learned systems—to bring in money reliably and consistently.
But this time, the process hasn't unfolded with the predictability I'm used to.
And that's caused my mind to do what minds do:
Interpret. Compare. Collect evidence. Conclude.
My mind's conclusion?
“You're doing something wrong. You're failing.”
And for someone with a survival strategy of be perfect, put together, and the best in order to be loved—this situation felt like a real threat.
The Nervous System Doesn't Know the Difference
That's the thing about the nervous system:
It can't distinguish between physical danger and mental/emotional danger.
It responds the same whether a bear is chasing you—or your identity is being threatened by a circumstance in your life.
And when a survival response is activated, no amount of “thinking” can pull you out.
Yet… that's where most of us go first: strategy.
We see we're not getting the result we want, so we analyze, tweak, and double down on action—hoping that'll change the outcome.
And sometimes it works.
But if you're in a dysregulated state... or if there's subconscious material wanting to be seen…
Strategy won't touch it.
95% of Our Actions Are Subconscious
Strategy lives in the conscious mind.
But only 5% of our actions come from there.
95% of what we do is driven by the subconscious—beliefs, impressions, and patterns we aren't even aware of.
So when things feel stuck and your go-to tactics stop working, it's not necessarily about doing more or differently. It's a signal:
There's something deeper wanting your attention.
There Is a Way In
There is a way to drop below the surface level to see and free yourself from the survival patterns that have been running in the shadows for most of your life.
This is the real opportunity baked into uncomfortable, challenging situations. Life (and its triggers) become a mirror that reflect unresolved material lived as true inside of you.
As a University of Santa Monica graduate, I knew this—but what I'm experiencing now (and have deepened in) over the last two years is far beyond what I thought I knew.
This isn't intellectual. It's experiential.
And there is so much more available—in amazing ways—than I ever thought possible.
I say this because it's easy to think you already know something, and unconsciously stop yourself from deepening.
That's exactly what the ego wants.
I did that for a long time. I wasn't open.
And, thankfully, my life got so painful almost two years ago that my only choice… was to open.
Since then, I've been seeing and healing misunderstandings that have run my thoughts, choices, and behaviors for years.
My Wake-Up Call
Launching The School for Humaning Well feels soul-driven—deeply alive and inspired.
It's also a new frontier in my work—so my nervous system isn't as settled as it's been with past programs.
This means it's sending tighter, less relaxed signals to my brain—which the amygdala labels as unsafe.
And from there, the mind starts scanning:
Less email opens. Fewer likes. Smaller enrollment numbers. More migraines.
“You're failing.”
For me, failure = danger.
And normally, my system's response is to overfunction—to let anxiety lead.
This time, though, my system collapsed.
After a cycle of forcing… I shut down.
My mind said:
“Your audience isn't interested.”
“You're too weird now.”
“It'll take forever to build a new community.”
And I believed it.
I stopped showing up. I wasn't taking action.
Which meant… I wasn't getting new results.
Which meant… I was failing.
That tension is what finally woke me up.
I couldn't keep feeling like a failure while resisting feeling like a failure.
It was too much.
So one morning, I let myself sit in it:
“I am a failure.”
Just allowing that truth-of-the-moment was the success.
Because everything in me believed I would die if I admitted it.
Here's Where Things Got Interesting
As I let the failure energy move through my body and mind, I quickly saw it for what it was:
A misunderstanding lived as truth.
And in that seeing—I let it go.
What showed up next was the belief: "I am successful."
I saw how long I'd attached my worth and self-image to that idea.
And, just as quickly, I saw it too was:
A misunderstanding lived as truth.
And in that seeing—I let it go.
The Deeper Truth
I am neither a failure nor a success.
Who I truly am is something far beyond these limiting constructs.
And this is what is deepening within me.
My self-concept is dissolving and expanding in amazing, thrilling ways.
It's wild.
And… it's worth every moment of suffering.
And the Result?
My perspective got reset. My enthusiasm about the program and how it can serve restored. I stopped taking things personally, making the results about me—and instead, was flooded with possibility.
Guess what?
That same day, after these insights came and I let go:
3 people reached out about the school
1 new person signed up
This is what happens when the invisible, but active energy is met and cleared.
Strategy can't do that—because that's not its function.
This is the Work
Doing this work within myself has profoundly enhanced how I show up with clients.
I see so much more. I receive so much more for them.
The work is deeper, richer, more fulfilling.
If you'd like to deepen your ability to meet yourself and your clients…
If you're ready to move beyond surface-level strategy as your main response…
If you're curious about accessing more of your true nature…
The School for Humaning Well will help you do that.
First with you.
Then—naturally—with others.
If this sparks something in you…
Even if your mind feels confused but your body feels curious…
Or you're not sure why you're resonating, but something is...
I'm currently in conversation with people about this journey.
If you'd like to explore, just email me at hello@amberkrzys.com and we'll get a date on the calendar.
There's no pressure. Just an opening.
With loving,
Amber
UPCOMING EVENTS
