Which Mountain Are You Climbing?
Photo by Tim Steif via Unsplash.
A dear reader recently shared the introduction of a book with me called The Second Mountain by David Brooks. (Thank you J!) I had never read it, though I'd heard about it. She reflected how she could see the changes in me mirrored in its pages—journeying up the second mountain, as she herself is beginning to turn toward that trek.
The book explores a framework I've been living into for years—but hadn't quite named this way. And it might help make sense of where you are right now.
Here's the premise:
There are two mountains in life. The first mountain is about success—achievement, recognition, building a career, establishing yourself in the world.
And on that first mountain, most of us become consumed with what Brooks calls "reputation management." Everything becomes about the self—protecting it, portraying it a certain way.
How am I coming across? Am I liked? Am I disliked? Am I seen the way I want to be seen? Am I good enough? Do people notice me when I enter a room? Do people not notice me when I enter a room? What do they think of me?
Basically, most of our energy and attention gets consumed by thinking about me.
Now, here's the thing: This is fine. It's part of the journey of being human.
It seems one of our superpowers is our ability to create a sense of a separate self. We come in completely in tune with our animal nature—connected to instinct and intuition more than the mind. And at some point, the mind develops, and through it, we create a "me."
This "me" consumes our every waking moment—hello, reputation management—until it's time for us to wake up to living differently, more in balance with heart and intuition.
But here's what Brooks noticed:
At some point, one of three things tends to happen on that first mountain:
We get the success we wanted—and feel hollow and unfulfilled.
We don't get the success we wanted—and feel like a failure.
Life delivers an unexpected blow (divorce, illness, death of a loved one)—and suddenly we find ourselves at the bottom of the mountain we were once climbing.
Sound familiar? Most of us have been there, or are there now.
And when we arrive at the bottom, we have two choices: Stay in the valley—wallowing in our traumas, our woes, our judgments. Or wake up during that time to see beyond our self-conscious ways (meaning: conscious of the self ways) and instead follow more of our heart, more focused on a grander purpose or passion. To begin climbing the second mountain.
I recently came across a video that helps explain why this shift matters so much. It's a TEDx talk by George Land about a creativity study he conducted.
(Spoiler alert: If you want to watch the 13-minute video first before reading the findings, pause here and come back!)
In 1968, NASA hired George Land to develop a creativity test that could identify their most innovative engineers and scientists. The test he and his team created worked so well that Land decided to use the same assessment on children to better understand the source of creativity.
He tested 1,600 children between ages 4-5. 98% of those children scored at "creative genius" level. When he re-tested the same kids at age 10: 30%. At age 15: 12%. And when he tested 280,000 adults over age 25? Only 2%.
What happened?
The kids grew up. They learned to be self-conscious, started managing their reputation, and learned the perceived "limits" we all succumb to when we identify with a fully-formed sense of a separate self.
As five-year-olds, they weren't worried about what people thought of them. They weren't taking life personally or bound by the need to be liked, to be right, to be safe through control. They were free—free to play, explore, and create. They were living from what we might call the unbound self.
The first mountain is built on the bound self—the self that's constrained by personality, conditions, and reputation. The self that needs to be a certain way to be okay. The self that's running on fear.
This bound self is valuable—don't get me wrong. Through it, we develop survival strategies, autonomy, agency, choice. We learn about being in the world. We build a life.
But it's also exhausting, because you can never rest when your safety depends on managing how others see you.
The second mountain is different. It's built on the unbound self—the self that knows no limits, that's connected to heart, to creativity, to something larger than "me." The self that's not constrained by personality or conditions.
This is the self that knows joy—not the happiness that comes from getting what you want, but the deep, abiding joy that comes from being who you really are.
The first mountain is built on a ground of suffering. The second mountain is built on a ground of joy.
So here's my question for you: Where are you right now?
Are you climbing the first mountain—immersed in the path of achievement, reputation, success? Wonderful. May you be fully present with the journey you're on. The bound self is a valuable part of this ride.
Are you at the bottom of that mountain—a little bewildered by life, or licking your wounds? Wonderful. Know that a whole new adventure is opening. Just give it time. This isn't the end—it's the beginning of something deeper.
Have you begun your trek up the second mountain? Wonderful. May you discover deeper, richer, wiser pathways. May you pause more to enjoy the beauty. And may you feel more connected to your heart, your creativity—and the you that is not constrained by personality or conditions.
A word of caution—and invitation:
Having a mission doesn't necessarily mean you're on your Second Mountain. I say this because I thought I was there—when I really wasn't.
bodyheart, my first business that supported women in their relationships with their bodies, felt bigger than me. In some ways it was. Same for when I started supporting coaches in creating thriving businesses. And in many ways, the "me" at the center of those businesses was very much in pursuit of success, status, power. The "me" was in control—and that's fundamentally different from what I'm experiencing in my life and work now.
I am tapped way more into a flow state—less identification with the mind, and more letting life live me. It's a completely different mountain.
It's not about what you're doing. It's about where you're leading from inside yourself. Are you in control—or in flow? Are you identified with the mind—or letting life live through you? That distinction changes everything.
Wherever you are on this journey, you're exactly where you need to be. There's no rush, no right way, no timeline.
Just the invitation to notice:
Am I running on fear—or love?
Am I consumed with thoughts of me and getting my life just so—or is my attention expanded to something more than me?
Does managing my reputation feel exhausting—or am I experiencing the relief of living beyond the bound self?
Your answers contain potent information. Let them guide you.
With loving,
Amber
P.S. If you're feeling the pull toward the second mountain—toward living from the unbound self—this is the work we do in The School for Humaning Well. We practice waking up to the part of you that's always been free. Learn more here.
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