What Five Days of Silence Revealed
I've just returned from my first silent retreat.
Five days. No talking. No phone. No music. Just... silence.
People keep asking me about it. What was it like? What did you discover? And I find myself contemplating how to talk about it. Because putting direct experience into words isn't easy.
But I'm going to try.
It didn't start beautifully.
The first day, my mind was already busy telling me I was doing it wrong. You're in imagination—not direct experience. This dreamlike state isn't right. It's much better to feel the sensations in your body. That familiar pattern—the one that's been with me my whole life—showed up immediately, of course.
And it wasn't just the "doing it wrong" voice.
I also noticed how often my mind wanted to rehearse. To practice what I might say about this experience later. To prepare how I'd teach it, share it, explain it.
Seeing this was uncomfortable—and liberating. This pattern has been running quietly in the background for a long time. It makes sense. I grew up performing—and for more than half my life, rehearsal was simply part of how I moved through the world. Of course my mind would reach for that. It was performing an “Amber”. It was doing what it thought it needed to do to keep me safe.
Recognizing this pattern—really, feeling it in the moment—has created a significant shift and restored energy. If it shows up—which is much less than it was—I see it and remind myself that I don't have to perform, or impress, or have the answers. That it's safe to live in the present…in the unknown. And, this is what I mean by liberating.
Day by day at the retreat, as I stayed with what was actually present—sensations, energy, the simple fact of being alive in a body—those voices not only lost their grip. They dissolved completely.
And what I found underneath…
Was profound peace. Real peace. Not the kind that's fleeting or you have to create or maintain. The kind that was already there.
I felt, in a way I'd never felt before, who we actually are beneath all the thinking, all the conditioning, all the performing. And it was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced thus far in my life.
I've heard Gangaji talk about how we've already won the lottery—we just don't know where to look for the ticket. Well…I found it. In a deeper way than ever before.
As I've been sitting with how to share this experience, I realized I don't want to limit it to a newsletter. I want to gather and be in conversation together.
So I'm hosting a free evening for our Humaning Well Community and anyone who feels called to explore this subject.
I'll share more about the retreat—the arc of the journey, the felt sense of peace, the inner stability that grew within me each day and hasn't left since I've been home. We'll talk about the difference between living from the mind and living from direct experience—and what becomes available when we stop mistaking one for the other. I'll guide you through a practice so you can have a taste of this for yourself. And we'll open it up for real conversation and Q&A.
Please join me for:
Silence Speaks: An Evening of Direct Experience, Profound Insight, and Coming Home
Thursday, March 26, 2026
4:00 – 5:30 PM PST
Zoom
completely free
[Register Here]
If something in you is curious—even if it makes no sense—trust that. I'd love for you to join me.
A recording will be shared within 48 hours to all who register.
I hope to see you there.
With loving,
Amber
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