What Do You REALLY Want?
Photo by Ivana Cajina via Unsplash.
Here we are—2026.
The start of a fresh new year. So much potential. So much possibility.
For a long time, this season ran me.
I devoted significant energy to taking stock of the year behind me and dreaming big into the year ahead. Setting intentions. Making plans. Imagining what could be.
And to be clear—this was a beautiful practice. It served me for a long time.
From where I stand now, though, I can see something else underneath it.
I can see how much of that effort was my system trying to take care of me.
Setting goals was a way I tried to generate hope—especially when I didn't feel I'd achieved enough.
It was also a way I tried to control life, to shape it into something that felt known…safe.
Even the Daily Day Dream practice I followed for two years straight was embedded in this. I believed that if I envisioned my day or my year clearly enough, I could bend Life toward my will. And if Life cooperated, I would feel good more often—and bad less often.
This is an oversimplification…
and it's also mostly true.
Control was my primary coping strategy.
I thought that if I could predict the future, manifest what I wanted, or stay one step ahead, I would finally feel successful, happy, and whole—and avoid pain and suffering altogether.
And when Life didn't go according to plan, I took it personally.
I thought I had done something wrong.
That I wasn't good enough.
That I hadn't tried hard enough.
So I internalized the shame and doubled down on control.
This unconscious cycle ran my life—until it didn't.
At some point, Life became too unmanageable. At least that's how it felt. My ability to control outcomes vanished. No matter what I tried, Life kept delivering challenges. Some of my biggest fears showed up again and again.
It was disorienting.
Unsettling.
And confusing—for a while.
And then, slowly, something else emerged.
Liberation.
Not because Life suddenly became easy—but because the illusion of control began to thin. I won't say it disappeared completely. I still notice moments where I'm trying to make life be a certain way.
What has changed is my capacity to see it sooner—and to meet the fear underneath that learned control strategy with more compassion.
Control turns life into a rigid game where love and worth feel like they're always on the line.
But that isn't the truth.
That's the ego's interpretation of Life.
The ego needs a game with winners and losers. Right and wrong. Success and failure.
Life itself isn't like that.
Life is generous.
Kind.
Welcoming.
Spacious.
When we slow down to the speed of Life—the speed of Nature—we feel these qualities directly. We experience ourselves as Love. And in that space, there is no enemy. Nothing to win. Nothing to lose.
Only Oneness.
Which means—nothing to control.
When I look back, this longing has always been the through line in my life. A longing to surrender. To experience freedom.
At first, I thought goals and achievement would get me there. I still do from time to time.
Now I see that no outer circumstance can deliver this experience—because we aren't surrendering to something outside of us.
We are surrendering into ourselves.
Into the truth of who we are beneath our conditioning.
Into the divine nature of Life itself—the fabric of everything we see, touch, hear, smell, and feel.
Individual waves are still made of ocean.
This is true for us, too.
As you enter 2026, I invite you to slow down and listen for your truest longing.
What's underneath your goal?
Is it really about more money, a different body, or a new house?
Or is it about the experience your mind believes those things will bring?
Could your mind be trying to “save” you from feeling something that's present now—shame, guilt, fear, hopelessness?
You're welcome to set goals. Dream big. Play with possibility—if that feels joyful. Go for it!
And before you get swept up, I invite you to inquire.
Root into yourself.
Into what's already here.
Because when you do, you may notice something surprising:
what you're seeking… is seeking you.
Life is the greatest game of hide and seek. We search “out there” for what's been waiting “in here” all along.
If you'd like guidance in exploring this way of relating to goals—and to life—I invite you to watch my Game of a Goal vs. The Game of Life masterclass.
In it, I explore:
Why so many of us (unconsciously and consciously) chase goals from pressure, fear, or the hope of feeling “enough” on the other side.
How the achieving model often drains us—while the receiving model roots us in presence, sufficiency, and clarity.
The “Someday Effect”: how the mind uses future fantasies to escape the discomfort of now (and how to dissolve that pattern).
How gripping tightly to an outcome narrows your world and creates suffering—while the Game of Life opens you back into possibility.
Why your body (not your mind) is the real doorway into wisdom, clarity, and fulfillment.
How to create from groundedness rather than urgency… and why that changes everything.
What becomes available when life leads instead of identity.
➤ Click the image below to watch.
Wishing you a year of deepening into the miracle of you and this extraordinary life.
With loving,
Amber
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