What If “Here” Is Enough?
Photo by Sid Leigh via Unsplash.
So much of our unconscious programming is built around:
I don't want this experience. I want that one.
I don't want to be here. I want to be there.
There is better.
This week, I watched this pattern on full display in my relationship with my body.
Over the last seven months, I've been intentionally nourishing myself—working to create internal stabilization and healing. In the past, I built a system that ran on adrenaline and cortisol, not just with restrictive eating and intense exercise, but also with my internal pattern of willpower and control.
Shifting to a gentle, healing approach hasn't been easy.
Yes, there have been amazing benefits—my temperature and pulse are rising (big deal for someone with hypothyroidism), my digestion is better than ever, and so is my cycle. Clearly, my body is responding well.
What's been more challenging is watching the numbers go up: the scale, measurements, even clothing sizes. My mind doesn't like that.
It gets super activated—because somewhere along the way, a part of me bought into the idea that I'm safer if I'm smaller. That I'm better if that number is lower.
Here, the deeper truth became crystal clear:
My body was speaking the language of healing—anchored in health.
My mind was speaking the language of fear—rooted in control.
Back in March, I created a plan—without realizing that plan was actually a coping strategy.
I decided I'd follow this nourishing protocol for six months, and then come summer, I'd shift into a gentle fat loss phase and then reverse diet back up in calories.
July 1st was my chosen date. I was excited when the day came.
I was finally going to feel like me again. I was so ready for the numbers to go down.
Except… they didn't.
For two weeks, I followed a healthy caloric deficit—and my body braced. Temps and pulse dropped. Digestion got worse. The scale went up.
I felt so disappointed. Like my body was betraying me.
I had made a plan, and my body wasn't following it.
(How often does that story show up in life?)
That's when I realized: the plan I created was never just a plan—it was a bridge. A brilliant coping strategy that helped me feel safe enough to nourish my body more deeply.
On a sneaky, unconscious level, I thought, “I'm willing to take these new uncomfortable actions… as long as I get back down to my comfort number on the scale.”
What I didn't see coming was my body needing more time.
What's so bad about giving it more time?
Even better—what if there's nothing wrong with my body ever?
Turns out—my mind has a lot to say about that.
It's been shouting: That can't be true. You're failing. You should stop this. It's not working.
I've caught myself trying to form a new plan.
But this time I'm more aware.
I can see how all these thought loops are trying to keep me from feeling what's underneath—the misunderstanding that I am my body. That if I make it the “right” shape, I'll be worthy, lovable, and safe.
And in my head, I know those things aren't true. But knowing on the mental level isn't the point.
That's just another way the mind tries to rationalize us out of feeling.
The only way through… is to feel.
So I did.
I turned toward the “I'm a failure” thoughts. I met the fear. The disappointment. I dropped into the deeper sensations I'd spent years avoiding.
And what I found on the other side… was stillness.
A blank mind. A peaceful heart.
I dropped into witness consciousness—where I could see my body, but not identify with it.
It wasn't me. I was something much bigger.
And in that shift, I found relief.
The gripping dissolved. My mind and body felt free.
It felt so good—so good that I wanted to stay there. (Hello attachment.)
The next day, when the body-thought storm returned, I resisted. I wanted to stay in the peace.
But that's not what was present.
What was present was a barrage of thoughts about food and exercise.
And the more I denied those thoughts, the more I suffered.
I didn't want this experience. I wanted the one I had the day before.
This is the programming.
There is better than here.
But the wild thing is…
The way to “there” is through saying yes to what's “here.”
The more we ground in the moment, the more we allow what's ready to move to move.
In the allowing, grace unfolds.
Learning to keep our hearts open to ourselves in the moments that feel bad is revolutionary.
Bringing kindness to our judgment, our low moods, our criticism—it not only helps us feel better, it's what our system most needs in those moments.
And the ripple?
That habit—once strengthened—helps us see suffering in others and respond with the same kindness.
The world is aching for more compassion and kindness.
Start with yourself and see what unfolds from there.
Maybe begin by noticing where you're running a version of:
“There” is better than here.
COMING SOON:
I have a new offering on the way—a six-month, soul-centered journey where we'll drop into “here”… and see just how enough that is!
More details coming soon.
With loving,
Amber
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