Are You Reinforcing a Blindspot?
Photo by Fellipe Ditadi via Unsplash.
Blindspots are unconscious by nature—limiting patterns and misunderstandings we unknowingly live as truth. If we aren't aware of something, we can't see it—let alone choose something different.
Part of our work as coaches includes not only helping our clients see their blindspots, but also being willing to see our own. This is where having a coach, mentor, or trusted colleague is invaluable. Someone looking from the outside can often see what we can't. (That's an article for another day.)
Today I want to speak to our client work—specifically, the subtle ways we may be reinforcing our clients' blindspots without even knowing it.
A client shared a story that illustrates this beautifully. Her client—a single father working a demanding job—came into the session saying he wanted to create more passive income.
It sounded like a smart and thoughtful goal. After all, more income equals more freedom, right? (Hello, blindspot!)
But instead of diving straight into strategy, the coach got curious. “Why do you want to create passive income? What would that bring you?” she asked.
He paused, then shared that he wanted to buy his daughter a car for her 16th birthday—something he never had. It wasn't just about convenience. It was about giving her a head start. A gift that would say, “I've got you. I love you.”
As they went deeper, something else emerged: a fear that if he couldn't give her this, it meant he wasn't doing enough. That he wasn't enough. That he was like his own father.
And here's where it got even more interesting.
He had spent years carrying resentment toward his father—judging him for not providing more, for not showing up in the way he needed. And without realizing it, those judgments became a quiet vow: I'll never be like him.
His drive to give more, do more, and prove his love through material provision was deeply tied to that vow. He wasn't just trying to give his daughter a gift—he was trying to outrun a part of his past.
This was the blindspot.
The desire itself wasn't bad. It was beautiful. What a loving thing to want to do for his daughter. But the pressure underneath—the belief that his worth as a father was tied to whether or not he could provide this gift—and the unspoken vow to never be like his own father—was the part that needed attention.
Had my client jumped into financial planning or brainstorming income streams, she might have inadvertently reinforced that belief: that more money = more value, more love.
This is how blindspots work. A seemingly smart, innocent goal is actually being driven by a deeper misunderstanding. And when we meet our clients only at the surface level, we risk reinforcing the very thing they most need freedom from.
Now—this doesn't mean we confront or challenge every belief head-on. Timing, rapport, and safety matter. Sometimes our clients are ready to explore the roots of their patterns. Sometimes they aren't. That's okay.
What matters is that we are willing to see what's happening underneath. Because from that place, we hold a more expansive, compassionate lens. And when the client is ready, we're right there with them, able to support a deeper shift.
I'll be honest—there were years when I unintentionally reinforced my clients' blindspots. Why? Because I was also reinforcing my own. I was so addicted to success that I couldn't see clearly—and that's okay. That's where I was.
Now I see how waking up to these misunderstandings is never-ending. It's part of the process of being human. We fall asleep and wake up. We identify with our small self and wake up to the Truth of Who We Are—over and over.
The more I deepen into this knowing—into meeting my experience in the moment as it arises—the freer I become. And the more capacity I have to support others in doing the same.
Sometimes, getting to the root of what someone wants dissolves the desire. It no longer feels resonant and alive.
Other times, it clarifies the desire. The client still wants it—but now from a clean place. They aren't attached to it and are no longer squeezing the life out of it because they need it for their safety and survival. They release the pressure and know their okayness is intact whether their desire comes to fruition or not.
This changes everything.
It allows the energy to flow and invites grace, inspiration, and mystery to do their thing.
This is the dance.
It's not about stopping our clients from going after what they want. It's about helping them see more clearly—so they have the freedom to really choose what's most aligned, instead of defaulting to running on fear.
With greater choice comes greater freedom.
Where might your clients' goals be covering up something deeper? And are you willing to slow down enough to find out?
With loving,
Amber
